NIKE HAS UNVEILED ARSENAL'S NEW AWAY KIT...FOR THE LAST TIME.

Aslan has given his approval to the new away kit.

So, our 2013/2014 away kit has been unveiled yesterday, accompanied by a not-at-all over the top "ceremony" at the Emirates. The latest and what will be the last Nike effort, as we move on to Puma.

I have to admit, when I'd first found out we'd be parting ways with Nike, I was a lot more upset than I would ever care to admit, and just to rub it in, after years and years of torturing us with monstrosities, they come out with the perfect yellow and blue away kit.

Nike is definitely trendier and all the cool kids wear it ...but hey, the cool kids hate me anyway and at the end of the day, the brand of your team's football kit has got to be the most insignificant issue in the whole fucking world, so let's just focus on what's important i.e what's happening on the pitch (although, considering our form over the last few seasons, I understand it's not always easy to do).

MAN UTD 2 - 1 ARSENAL: ROBIN VAGINA PUSSY AND WENGER'S LIMBO.

Robin Vagina Pussy is powerless against his mortal enemy - The Penis Wizard...

For the past several years, season after season, we've been witnessing an Arsenal team produce the kind of games we saw yesterday at Old Trafford. The kind of heartless, soulless mess, where no one puts up a fight, no one stands out, no one who's ready to grind out the result. Everyone is just riding the wave. Some, more enthusiastically than the others.

As I've already mentioned, we've been seeing it for several years now, even though the players keep coming and going. Today's team is completely different from what we had five or six years ago. Six years ago we were calling for the heads of such individuals like Pascal Cygan and Jose Antonio Reyes. Three years ago, we were convinced that Mikael Silvestre and Emmanuel Eboue were holding us down and right now it's Andre Santos and probably someone else.

Now, I do not disagree that all of the players mentioned above were/are quite terrible and we are better off without them. However, regardless of how much deadweight we've gotten rid off over the years, or how many new faces we've brought in, the ESSENCE of the team doesn't change. Season. After. Season.

It's feels like we're in a limbo, the constant feeling of "almost there". And that  worries the ever loving feces out of me.

If we went through some archives, I'm 100% certain, we would've found some matches over the past few seasons that were identical to a T', to the one, we had the displeasure of watching yesterday afternoon. Lackluster, mechanical surrender, devoid of any significant effort. Tactically - verging on clueless.

On friday, my non gooner co worker, told me he put some money on Arsenal (true story), I told him he was throwing his money away. Even though, I was secretly hoping I was wrong, I thought that a draw against Man Utd at Old Trafford would be more than just sufficient. I'm becoming less and less optimistic when it comes to Arsenal.

Remember that part in "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", where a bartender asks Ford Prefect if he plans to watch the game and Ford says that there's no point, the bartender then asks: "Foregone conclusion, then? Arsenal without a chance?" 

Now, in the book Ford Prefect says it's because the world is about to end but in reality you and me live in, there's no follow up to that dialogue. I look at the league table, I see Arsenal with 15 points after 10 Premier League games (worst start to a season since 94/95,when the team finished 12th), and I realize that Arsenal are  without a chance and it is a foregone conclusion.

There isn't a point analyzing yesterday's match. Robin Vagina Pussy scored a goal after two minutes of play, thanks to the mistake from our increasingly unreliable captain, then pretended to not celebrate "out of respect" for the Arsenal fans, I presume. Where was that respect when you were engineering a move away, from the club that gave you everything you have, and from the fans who never stopped being supportive, even though you spent 90% of your Arsenal career on a treatment table? Huh? Nevermind.

Andre Santos put on an atrocious performance. His defending is piss-poor but Wenger always claimed he compensates for it with his attacking play. Well, his crosses yesterday were worse than Clichy's and that little money grabber can't cross for shit.

Oh, and another thing Santos put on yesterday - Robin Vagina Pussy's shirt...AT HALF TIME! Who the fuck does that? I know, he's probably not the brightest crayon in the box but my god, if it's that bad, the club's PR people should've prepped the team before kick off - "what not to do in close proximity to Robin Vagina Pussy".

Now, Jack Wilshere understands this premise. That's why he sent the fucker flying with one of his tackles. Oh, Jackie boy, you know how to put a smile on a misanthropic gooner's face. Unfortunately, Wilshere was a bit too enthusiastic with his tackling yesterday, having previously earned a yellow and cautioned several times by Mike Dean, at the 70' minute mark he made a challenge on Patrice Evra - who had scored Unted's second only three minutes earlier. Now if that were me, painful tackling of Evra would be mandatory but Mike Dean (who may or may not, be Fergie's rent boy), showed Wilshere a second yellow and off he went.

Robin Vagina Pussy surrenders in fear of being kicked by Jack Wilshere...

There was a consolation wonder goal from Santi Carzola - one of the few, on this current team, who doesn't  make my blood boil.

And last but not least, there were Arsenal fans who drowned out the entire Old Trafford with the immortal: "WE LOVE YOU ARSENAL, WE DO", even when we were trailing by two goals, the chanting never stopped. I'm not sure this Arsenal team deserves it. I'm not sure Arsene Wenger deserves it.

I have always been one of the biggest Wenger supporters you will ever meet, I don't remember the number of times, I've gotten into arguments with people defending him and his record but Arsenal is starting to lose credibility with its own supporters, some of which, don't think of it as a big club anymore.

They still support it, they still sing at the top of their lungs. They just don't expect much from the team anymore. And if, at the very least, he can't make this Arsenal team, earn respect of their own fans back, then maybe we should start looking for someone who can.

Also, No matter how many goals he scores, Robin Vagina Pussy is still one giant cunt.

*the penis wizard can be purchased here
*original pics are via

QUEENS PARK GERBILS DIG DEEP BUT ARSENAL SMOKE THEM OUT.

Gerbil Cisse believes Mikel Arteta was offside for the winning goal...

Well, well, well, what have we here? Err, not an awful lot actually.

Arsenal played QPR yesterday at the Emirates but it was so uneventful, if you will, that I spent half the time thinking how uninspired and low on confidence must our squad be, if we can't even beat the worst team in the league at our place anymore?

And half the time, I was just wondering how come there's not a single photoshop circulating the internet, with Djibril Cisse's face on a gerbil's body because holy shit, "Djibril" sounds like "gerbil". Am I the only one aware of that? By the time I'd realized that Cisse wasn't even playing, it was too late.

For all its shortcomings, yesterday's match had one big positive, one huge positive, one Michael Fassbender's dong sized positive about it and that of course, was the long awaited return of Jack Wilshere. After 17 month out of the top flight football, he's finally back. I thought he was great in the first half, pulling all the strings and if we had a decent striker out there yesterday, I believe he could've racked up some assists to his name as well. According to OptaJoe, he completed all 33 passes that he attempted in the first half. That's some comeback.

The second half saw Mbia - a man with an equal amount of consonants and vowels in his name, sent off. And if there was ever a red card you would never hear anyone argue about, it was yesterday's Mbia's needless and unprovoked kicking of Vermaelen. 

Had an Arsenal player done something similar, I would've been very upset and probably, even made a lazy photoshop, portraying him in an unflattering light. I don't mess around.

Anyway, with QPR down to ten men, it's only a matter of time until we finally score, right? WRONG! Ok, not exactly wrong but Julio Cesar sure made it difficult. I can't even remember the number of saves he had to make, some of which were quite outstanding, if you ask me (no one ever asks). Why on earth is he playing for QPR anyway? He sure ain't happy about it. 

It wasn't until the 85' minute, when Arsenal finally  made the breakthrough. Andrei Arshavin's excellent pass (what?) found Giroud, who's header was saved, once again, by Julio the Emperor, Aaron Ramsey tried, unsuccessfully, to poke home the rebound. (ARE YOU TOO GOOD FOR YOUR HOME?! ANSWER ME!!!!) Arteta's header hit the bar but thankfully the ball was kind enough to come back straight to Mikel, who eventually smacked it into the back of the net.

Up the other end Vito Mannone made a wonderful save in the injury time, when Jamie Mackie cut open our defense, only to be denied by the Italian. 

FULL TME: Arsenal 1 - 0 QPR                                                                                                             

Afterwards Mark Hughes claimed that Mikel Arteta was offside for the winner, he said:

"The referee has really killed us because Arteta was clearly offside on two occasions,"
"He has conjured up some cock-and-bull story about Ryan Nelsen being off the pitch. It has cost us the point."

Was our goal offside? It might have been but here's another piece of information I got from OptaJoe:  

"Since their return to the top flight QPR have earned more red cards than any other Premier League team." 

Yesterday's red card was Mark Hughes' team's ninth in 2012, so you know what? Mark Hughes and his army of gerbils can fuck right off.

P.S. I have no hard feeling towards QPR, just Mark Hughes.

P.P.S. the picture is via.

14 Year Old Jack Wilshere Is Here To Make You Forget Stoke City Exits.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Remember, when a few years ago we used to call Bolton our "boogey team"? Because we always used to struggle to get results at the Reebok, and we would have half our squad out with injuries for weeks, after every single encounter with them, and they had a live Walrus for a manager and their fans were kind of a bunch of inbred cunts. But then they'd almost been relegated before their manager returned to his natural habitat and everyone just shrugged their shoulders and went: "meh". Do you remember?

Well, right now, I feel like our "boogey team" is Stoke City, except they're actually even...er, "boogier". Their fans are a bit more inbred, their manager's face is a bit more punchable and their players are a bit more psychotic (seriously, take a look at Ryan Shawcross and tell me he's not the perfect lead for a movie based on Anders Beivik's biography?).

Since Stoke's promotion back in 2008, we've only managed to win at their place once, and that was the day Aaron Ramsey almost had his career ruined forever. What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that our result today, wasn't as bad as it seems at first. Yes, not beating them is annoying. Yes, conceding a header from Peter Crouch, when we've been, non stop for the past week, going over the fact that dealing with their aerial bombardment is the only way to stop them from scoring, is annoying. Yes, the realization that that result has brought smiles to the faces of their fans is extremely irritating. But that's OK.

For one thing, we didn't lose, thank's to that sweet Robin van Persie equaliser and we still have two more games left play, to help us finish the season on a (relatively) high note.

"Hey, but what about Stoke City?" you may ask."Can they just boo Aaron Ramsey and get away with it?" you may ask. Well, don't you worry, my imaginary gooner friend. One day, the wind will blow that cap off Tony Pubis' head, Rory Delap's towel will escape, after realising that it can no longer go on living its life as a towel of Rory Delap and it will spend the rest of its days trying to suppress the memories of its past by getting high somewhere in Colorado, Ryan Shacross will be imprisoned for crimes against humanity and The City of Stoke will suffer the same fate as the Wanderers of Bolton.

The End.

P.S, I don't want to fug up the page with pictures of Britannia, so here's a picture of Jack Wilshere as a 14 year old to cheer you all up:

*original is via 

I LOATHE FC BARCELONA WITH ALL MY HEART.

Clowns have always been Robin van Persie's biggest fear, along with Lee Mason - who apparently is cheating on his lover Phil Dowd.

I loathe Barcelona. I really, really do. They've inflicted so much pain on me, over the years. I just don't know how much longer I can take before I'll go all Jared Loughner on their asses.

I loathe the sight of that giant stadium. 99,354 seats, eh? Well, good luck filling them when  your banker friends won't be around to bail you out of your mounting debts.

I loathe their cunty, hypocritical fans. All 99,354 jeering in unison whenever an Arsenal player was down on the pitch. Oh, how sweet, they're standing up for gamesmanship, and that, despite the fact most Barcelona players go down quicker than pornstars at Charlie Sheen's house, anytime something is near them.

Which segues nicely to my next point - I fucking loathe their players. World class? Yeah. World class diving cheats? FUCK YEAH! When you're that talented, do you really have to resort to such pathetic techniques? You don't have to answer that question - it's rhetorical. 

I loathe that gaylord - Josep Guardiola i Sala. "Ooh, ooh there are players better than Jack Wilshere at my daughter's nursery". Well, maybe you should have played them. Then you wouldn't have required the "assistance" of the referee to help your €752 million squad progress.

Don't worry Robin, Aslan's gonna take care of Pep and that mean Swiss bitch, after the game.

I loathe all their owners, chairmen, presidents or whatever the fuck they're called over there. Acting holier than thou while blatantly tapping up players from other teams. Since the beginning of Wenger's reign as our manager, not a single summer has passed without them trying to unsettle our players.

Proclaiming to be some sort of footballing "business model". Barcelona is the world's second richest football club in terms of revenue, with an annual turn-over of €398 million, YET they're currently in a €442 million debt. How the fuck can that be considered a model of...anything?

I loathe all the commentators who whip out their baby penises on live TV and masturbate furiously to replays of another overrated Messi trick.

I loathe Massimo Busacca from Monte Carasso, Ticino, near Bellinzona (FYI). What an incompetent piece of shit, huh? Booking van Persie for not hearing the offside whistle in a stadium filled with 99,354 goddamn people. But you can't blame him, between the whistle and Robin's shot there was an interval of one second. OMFG! ONE WHOLE SECOND.

Someone should grab that Swiss fucker by the neck like this and stuff used batteries down his throat.

I loathe all referees in general, actually. As long as they don't have to publicly explain their unexplainable decisions or face any kind of consequence for their mistakes, sometimes so terrible and costly they simply leave you speechless, they're not going to get far with their laughable "Respect campaigns".

I loathe FIFA/UEFA. If someone told me Massimo Busacca was under orders during yesterday's match, that wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. Maybe I'm starting to feel a bit paranoid, what's with all horrible fuck-ups the officials have been making against us recently, but I'm not underestimating UEFA's greed. And few would deny that Barcelona is much more profitable and lucrative for the Champions League than Arsenal.

They don't want technology because it would ruin the traditional game. Right. I am convinced that's the reason and NOT because you can't bribe replays.

But you know what I loathe the most? People who say that the better team won.

"Uh...Barca had 175% of possession and uh...they have Messi, they deserved to win...durr"

DIE. DIE. IN A LAKE OF FIRE!!! ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

They didn't deserve anything! Before the Robin van Persie sending off, the score was:

Barcelona 1 - 1 Arsenal.

Yes, Barca had plenty of possession but until the red card they had nothing to show for it. Their first goal was a result of a terrible mistake from Cesc (cue the conspiracy theories) and most of their clear cut chances came after we were left with 10 men. (Inter got away with it last season and the heavens proclaimed Jose Mourinho as a tactical genius. But when almost the same thing happens to us, somehow we didn't deserve it. HA!)

10 v 12 - for almost an entire half. It was never going to happen for us. Xavi scored Barcelona's second and Messi (apparently an object more arousing to men than Jessica Alba and Megan Fox combined) scored their third - which was a penalty.

FULL TIME: BARCELONA 3 - 1 ARSENAL (4-3 agg.)

A red card AND a penalty - for the so called best team in the world to make it past a pack of Jack Wilsheres that wouldn't make Barca's reserves, according to their manager. That my friends is some food for thought.

But today is not the day for mourning. Today is the day for loathing.

And today...I loathe.

OOH-WAH-AH-AH...

(*the original pics are via daylife and jumping Pep is via)

CARLING CUP FINAL: AT THE GRASP OF OUR FINGERTIPS BUT WE LET IT SLIP...AGAIN.

Ice-Cream Cat is going to let Jack have as much ice-cream as he wishes because he deserves better in life than to lose his first Cup final to Lee Bower.

At the final whistle, of our yesterday's Carling Cup final defeat to Birmingham, there were two things on my mind:

One - I want to hug the crap out of Jack Wilshere,

and

Two - Will I ever see this Arsenal team win a trophy?

I never thought I would ever feel this upset about a Carling Cup game but here I am, feeling only slightly less depressed than five years ago after losing to Barca in Paris.

Especially since Birmingham's win wasn't a result of some refereeing cock up or cheating or anything similar. No, it was a result of determination and hard work. They wanted it more and it was pretty evident, when with about twenty minutes to go, Roger Johnson was limping after injuring himself but refused to come off.

And while saying they deserved it wouldn't be completely true, at least according to statistics, it's impossible to deny the fact, they've won it fair and square. What their game plan lacked in creativity it made up in efficiency.

Our team, on the other hand, seemed if not disinterested then definitely uninspired, at times. There were very few Arsenal players on that lime green Wembley pitch who looked like they were up to the task.

It's funny how Arsene always talks about the depth of our current squad yet the minute you take one "starting XI" player out of the team, we appear lost. And yes, I know it's not just any player, it's Fabregas but seriously, how thin does his absence make our squad look? It's when he's not playing that it becomes so evident - how truly integral he is to our team. And it's not even his passing or his creativity, it's the way he manages to keep our team together, make them "click", if you will.

Playing Rosicky in Cesc's position was never going to lead to anything positive. I said it in one of my previous posts, Tomas brings about as much to our team as a mutant crossbreed between *insert the names of two players who aren't very good*. As much as I dislike Diaby, I honestly believe he would've done a better job.

Our defense wasn't half as solid as they'd been in previous games. There was a lot of pre-match talk about Nikola Žigić and how dangerous he is and how we should pay more attention to him. So naturally, it was him who headed in the opener, after we failed to properly clear Birmingham's corner.

We managed to pick ourselves up with five minutes to go before half-time. Jack Wilshere's shot went off the crossbar, Arshavin picked it up, his cross found Van Persie in the center of the penalty box and he volleyed home the equalizer but not before taking a heavy knock to his knee.

At that point, I'm hoping it'll be a different story in the second half. And it was, to an extent. We started off brightly, Ben Foster was forced to make some decent saves but when Robin couldn't shake off his injury, he had to be replaced by Bendtner. Unfortunately, replacing creativity with confidence doesn't always work.

Several minutes later, Chamakh replaced Arshavin - who despite having a relatively poor game wasn't as ineffective as Rosicky.

We're into the final 15 minutes of the match, Birmingham has a limping central defender and we have some fresh blood in attack. Can we pull if off or will we bottle it once again? Oh god, even if you didn't know the final score, this question would have sound rhetorical.

With about a minute of normal time left to play, a defensive mix-up/monstrous fuck up between Wojciech Szczesny and Laurent Koscielny, led to Obafemi Martins scoring the simplest of tap-ins he'll ever score - to win Birmingham's first major trophy since 1963.

It also guarantees them a place in the Europa League and there's nothing to say other than - "Congratulations". They did seem like they wanted it more, didn't they?

What a comically ridiculous was to lose a cup final, eh?

Is there a point in talking about what a win would've done for our confidence and our pursuit of the Premier League? About how it would've, at least for awhile, shut all the critics who gloat with glee over our trophy-less misfortunes up? About how it could affect the rest of our season? About how there is now a real possibility we might be out of all cup competitions by the end of next week?

No, no there is no point.

If I'm being perfectly honest, I had a sneaky feeling it wasn't going to be our day at the very start of the game, when Wojciech Szczesny fouled Lee Bower in the box but linesman wrongly flagged for offside. Had the flag stayed down it would've been a very different story and our defeat would've been much easier to accept.

Before I'm done, I want to say a word about Jack Wilshere - the only player who tried to make things happen for us, yesterday. The only Arsenal player who showed as much desire to win it as Birmingham did. It was his drive from the midfield which led to our only goal.

For a 19 year old to get to the Cup final at Wembley, to feel his first trophy, as a professional, at the grasp of the fingertips and have it taken away - must feel pretty awful.

Seeing him cry at the end was heartbreaking, mostly because it was like watching a fellow fan cry. I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and buy him an ice-cream. You could tell it wasn't some ego-trip, à la John Terry in the Champions League. You could tell it was sincere. Aww :(

Therefore, I believe we can all agree on one thing - Alex McLeish makes babies cry!

The end.

(*btw, the original top pic is via)

ARSENAL 2 - 0 WOLVES: ROBIN VAN PERSIE BREAKS RECORDS AND MICK MCCARTHY IS CLASSY.

Robin van Persie, Michael McCarthy. The former breaks records. The latter's just classy.

Last time we played Wolves (which was in November, by the way) we finished the match with the exact same scoreline as today - this would have to be the only similarity between the two games.

The former, was a rather nervy affair. Marouane Chamakh scored in the first and the last minutes of the match to secure the points. However, the hero of the day, turned out to be the one and only Lukas Fabianski - after making a string of crucial saves. I think, after that game, everyone became a bit more at ease with having him as our number one.

I have to say, before he got injured, I was secretly hoping he would emulate his performance in today's game as well. Just so I could use "BAMBI FENDS OFF WOLVES" as my main headline. Since I missed out on that opportunity the last time. Oh well...

Anyway, it was a completely different story this time around.

For one thing, it wasn't Chamakh who was leading our attack, it was Robin van Persie - top scorer in the Premier League in 2011.  He scored both of our goals and could have easily had another hat-trick. He now has ELEVEN Premier League goals and according to Infostrada - he's broken a record for most goals scored in first two months of a calendar year.

Had he been fit from August through November, one would assume we'd be a lot closer to the top of the table than we are at the moment. He's always been world-class but I guess we're finally starting to see and benefit from it. For how long? I don't know. Every time we're starting to believe his problems are behind him - the rug is pulled from under our feet by another injury.

Then there's Jack Wishere, who very obviously is high on confidence after his midweek England debut. Some of the passes, which he managed to pick out, were absolutely brilliant.

The kind of passes we are used to seeing from Cesc - who had a quiet game overall (by his standards) and was extremely wasteful in front of goal, it has to be mentioned.

Which segues nicely to my next point: HOW MANY FUCKING CHANCES DO WE NEED TO SCORE A GOAL? AARRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!11!!1

It is so unbelievably frustrating to watch, how we squander chance after chance. There were periods in that match, when I thought we'd never score another goal...ever again. When Van Persie was through on goal for his second, I honestly expected it to either go wide or hit the post.

Theo in particular, has been making some questionable decisions in front of goal, lately. His second half miss (of the match) was especially irritating. Is Thierry Henry still training with us? Maybe he needs to show Walcott some of his DVD's (with Henry on it I mean, not some random stuff like "Aladdin" - which i assume Theo would enjoy). I take nothing away from his assist, though.

In defence, I thought we looked comfortable and dealt with most of the set-pieces - which ironically account for 90% of the goals conceded for Arsenal and goals scored for Wolves (these stats are unconfirmed).

There wasn't a hint of any kind of hangover from last Saturday's nightmarish second half and I did not expect one, to be honest. We played that second half with ten men against Newcastle's TWELVE (get it? it's a Phil Dowd diss) and no Johan Djourou.

A couple of years ago no one would've predicted just how instrumental and important of a role Djourou would play for us. These statistics from OptaJean pretty much sum up that second half against Newcastle:

Djourou/Koscielny: 1 goal conceded every 295 mins (2 goals in 590 mins), 

Squillaci/Koscielny: 1 every 47 mins (20 in 949).

HOLY SHIT!

 Afterward Wolves' boss Mick McCarthy said this:

"There was a murder going on. They have murdered us today - all over the park, from 1 to 11, they were better than us, stronger than us and quicker than us. I have to admire their class and the way they play. We were spanked."

Oh, whatever you...wait, what? The manager of the losing team admits they were outplayed? WHY?

He could've complained about how our second goal should've been ruled out for offside or how they were denied a "stonewall" penalty. His team is rock bottom and he doesn't even try to divert attention and simply admits their shortcomings?

What is the world coming to?

*cough* David Moyes *cough*

ALEX MCLEISH IS GINGER, WON'T EVER BE LOVED.

This is what Alex McLeish the Birmingham City manager said about Jack Wilshere's tackle on Zigic on Saturday:

It’s a bad tackle. If he doesn't get a red card for that then I think we might as well pack our bags and go home.

This is what he said after our 2-2 draw at Birmingham, in an interview to BBC about Martin Taylor's tackle on Eduardo. He said:

The fact that (some commentators were surprised at the red card) tells the story itself - it was seen as just another normal tackle in a game of football where there is contact.

So, just that we're clear on the concept...

BAD TACKLE:

JUST ANOTHER NORMAL TACKLE IN A GAME OF FOOTBALL:

Can you spot the difference? Now, I don't mean to brag but ankles aren't supposed to bend that way.

Naturally McLeaish had some things to say after our win on Saturday. Here's a couple of quotes (with translation) worth reading:

"The tackle by Nasri is a sending-off,"

Or maybe it isn't

"He’s kneed the guy in the back. Is that not violent conduct? Anyway, they gave him a yellow card."

Says a person who thought Taylor's tackle on Eduardo didn't even warrant a red card.

"I don’t mean to be a whinger..."

That's unfortunate because you sound like a whiny, little bitch.

"...but we’ve had a lot of decisions go against us over the last wee while."

Boo fucking hoo, maybe you should spend less time badmouthing other teams then. Just a thought.

"One of our players is going to have to get hit with a baseball bat to get a penalty, that’s for sure."

Hmm...dunno, wanna try it?

"Eboue had the scissor challenge on Ridgewell. We know the damage it can do."

Yes. Yes we do know, Alex. The person who thought Taylor's tackle on Eduardo WASN'T deserving of a red card.

"Did you see Murphy get punched in the face in the last minute?"

Did you see Chamakh get elbowed in the head?

"We took him off with a cut eye. He’s got stitches. Let’s investigate."

Let's. Just let me get my monocle and a top hat and we'll be on our way.

"Jack Wilshere’s was a deserved red. He’s not a dirty player but even the best can mistime tackles. Zigic is lucky. He could have had his leg shattered like Eduardo."

But he didn't have his leg shattered like Eduardo. He got up and got on with the match...unlike Eduardo who needed an oxygen mask because he had a bone sticking out of his sock.

"Martin Taylor still gets vilified for that."

For practically ending a fellow professional's career? Oh no, poor Martin Taylor. I hope he gets through that.

"People are still going to interview Eduardo about that tackle."

Well, that's not right! Can you believe it? They're going to interview him about THAT tackle:

 
"It’s scandalous."

It is, indeed.

"Will people be interviewing Jack Wilshere in a year about his tackle?"

Probably not.

They will be interviewing Eduardo about THAT one, though.

panda pic's from here.