I LOATHE FC BARCELONA WITH ALL MY HEART.

Clowns have always been Robin van Persie's biggest fear, along with Lee Mason - who apparently is cheating on his lover Phil Dowd.

I loathe Barcelona. I really, really do. They've inflicted so much pain on me, over the years. I just don't know how much longer I can take before I'll go all Jared Loughner on their asses.

I loathe the sight of that giant stadium. 99,354 seats, eh? Well, good luck filling them when  your banker friends won't be around to bail you out of your mounting debts.

I loathe their cunty, hypocritical fans. All 99,354 jeering in unison whenever an Arsenal player was down on the pitch. Oh, how sweet, they're standing up for gamesmanship, and that, despite the fact most Barcelona players go down quicker than pornstars at Charlie Sheen's house, anytime something is near them.

Which segues nicely to my next point - I fucking loathe their players. World class? Yeah. World class diving cheats? FUCK YEAH! When you're that talented, do you really have to resort to such pathetic techniques? You don't have to answer that question - it's rhetorical. 

I loathe that gaylord - Josep Guardiola i Sala. "Ooh, ooh there are players better than Jack Wilshere at my daughter's nursery". Well, maybe you should have played them. Then you wouldn't have required the "assistance" of the referee to help your €752 million squad progress.

Don't worry Robin, Aslan's gonna take care of Pep and that mean Swiss bitch, after the game.

I loathe all their owners, chairmen, presidents or whatever the fuck they're called over there. Acting holier than thou while blatantly tapping up players from other teams. Since the beginning of Wenger's reign as our manager, not a single summer has passed without them trying to unsettle our players.

Proclaiming to be some sort of footballing "business model". Barcelona is the world's second richest football club in terms of revenue, with an annual turn-over of €398 million, YET they're currently in a €442 million debt. How the fuck can that be considered a model of...anything?

I loathe all the commentators who whip out their baby penises on live TV and masturbate furiously to replays of another overrated Messi trick.

I loathe Massimo Busacca from Monte Carasso, Ticino, near Bellinzona (FYI). What an incompetent piece of shit, huh? Booking van Persie for not hearing the offside whistle in a stadium filled with 99,354 goddamn people. But you can't blame him, between the whistle and Robin's shot there was an interval of one second. OMFG! ONE WHOLE SECOND.

Someone should grab that Swiss fucker by the neck like this and stuff used batteries down his throat.

I loathe all referees in general, actually. As long as they don't have to publicly explain their unexplainable decisions or face any kind of consequence for their mistakes, sometimes so terrible and costly they simply leave you speechless, they're not going to get far with their laughable "Respect campaigns".

I loathe FIFA/UEFA. If someone told me Massimo Busacca was under orders during yesterday's match, that wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. Maybe I'm starting to feel a bit paranoid, what's with all horrible fuck-ups the officials have been making against us recently, but I'm not underestimating UEFA's greed. And few would deny that Barcelona is much more profitable and lucrative for the Champions League than Arsenal.

They don't want technology because it would ruin the traditional game. Right. I am convinced that's the reason and NOT because you can't bribe replays.

But you know what I loathe the most? People who say that the better team won.

"Uh...Barca had 175% of possession and uh...they have Messi, they deserved to win...durr"

DIE. DIE. IN A LAKE OF FIRE!!! ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

They didn't deserve anything! Before the Robin van Persie sending off, the score was:

Barcelona 1 - 1 Arsenal.

Yes, Barca had plenty of possession but until the red card they had nothing to show for it. Their first goal was a result of a terrible mistake from Cesc (cue the conspiracy theories) and most of their clear cut chances came after we were left with 10 men. (Inter got away with it last season and the heavens proclaimed Jose Mourinho as a tactical genius. But when almost the same thing happens to us, somehow we didn't deserve it. HA!)

10 v 12 - for almost an entire half. It was never going to happen for us. Xavi scored Barcelona's second and Messi (apparently an object more arousing to men than Jessica Alba and Megan Fox combined) scored their third - which was a penalty.

FULL TIME: BARCELONA 3 - 1 ARSENAL (4-3 agg.)

A red card AND a penalty - for the so called best team in the world to make it past a pack of Jack Wilsheres that wouldn't make Barca's reserves, according to their manager. That my friends is some food for thought.

But today is not the day for mourning. Today is the day for loathing.

And today...I loathe.

OOH-WAH-AH-AH...

(*the original pics are via daylife and jumping Pep is via)

WORLD CUP 2010: A QUICK SUMMARY.

Paul the Octopus is trying to predict the winner of the offshore powerboat race...

This year's World Cup could be summed up in one sentence - THE WORST WORLD CUP I CAN REMEMBER WATCHING! There's no need to go into detail with statistical analysis or play by play review of matches because if the main highlights of the biggest international sporting event in the world are the psychic octopus and the French team's theatrics that any 13 year old girl would be proud of, it more or less sums it up. Nevertheless this summer we had a World Cup and there won't be another one for four years so let's discuss...

SOUTH AFRICA - THE HOST.
Probably the only country on the African continent that's realistically capable of staging such an event. Their chances of progressing beyond the group stages were always quite minimal, although they've shown themselves to be a pretty tough opponent against Mexico, on the opening day and against France on the last day of the group stages. They did however, suffer a pretty heavy defeat at the hands of Uruguay but the fact they went out of the tournament on goal difference, tells its own story. So I genuinely wish South Africa good luck in 2014. Even though I really, Really, REALLY want to shove those vuvuzelas up their asses.

URUGUAY - THE SURPRISE PACKAGE.   
Managed to reach their first semi-final since 1970 AND to provide the tournament's Golden Boot winner, without anyone suspecting. Sneaky bitches.

Also, they hosted and won the first World Cup ever in 1930 and is only one of five nations to win the FIFA World Cup on two or more occasions.

In addition to that...uh....um...hm...Natalia Oreiro was born in Uruguay. I realize you might not know who she is (that's what google image is for) or be familiar with her "work" but it doesn't matter, because she looks like this:

Natalia Oreiro is really happy for Uruguay...

ARGENTINA - THE BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT.
The disappointment of the tournament has got to be Argentina. No, NOT because of their failure to make it past the quarter-finals, despite having one of the most star-studded line ups in the competition this year, that includes arguably the best player in the world, at the moment. No! No! And NO!

The reason they are nothing but a gigantic lump of FAIL is because the expected level of crazy that Maradona was supposed to bring with him, fell way short of the mark it could potentially have reached. Now, maybe the standards were too high to begin with but after all the delightful madness that we've witnessed over the years, is it really too much to expect something a little more creative than THIS???11?.

Punching a player from an opposing team, getting naked, inserting himself into the game mid-way through the second half, punching a player from his own team, bitch slapping Joachim Loew...*sigh*...ahhh, the possibilities were endless.
Oh well, all we can do now is to imagine what might have been, while sobbing uncontrollably ...

found it here

FRANCE - THE ENTERTAINER.  
When the showing on the pitch isn't up to scratch anymore, there's a group of fine gentlemen that knows the true meaning of entertainment. You can count on them to risk their reputation and career to make sure the public gets what they paid for. "You should never leave the customer unsatisfied" - is what I imagine their motto must sound like. 

The saddest part though, is that the embarrassing bitch fighting between a bunch of 30+ multi-millionaire prima donnas, was probably more entertaining than all of the World Cup matches combined. 

Having said that, it IS kind of disappointing  what's happening to the French team at the moment. For some inexplicable reason I've always sort of had a bit of a soft spot for them and not just because of an Arsenal connection. However, this time, despite there being an Arsenal interest (past and present) I simply cannot bring myself to care about them in any way. 

Maybe it's the fact that they had the nerve to bully the dreamy, dreamy Prince from The Little Mermaid because he and I quote "reads books and expresses himself eloquently." Wait what? They hate him 'cause he READS BOOKS? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! 

Most likely, however it's because they're managed by a "keen amateur dramatist" who and once again I quote: " ...has admitted to distrusting Scorpios." Even Britney Spears read that last part and went: Bitch, you crazy!

Britney's reaction to hearing Domenech's team selection.

Also, there's THIS:

How U doin'?

SPAIN - THE CHAMPIONS. 
The bookies' favorites. Congratulations if you made a lot of money off this victory. You and your perfect life can both go fuck themselves. I was rooting for Holland.
THE END.

Bitchface Villa's DeNiro impressions still require some practice.