WIGAN 2 - 2 ARSENAL: SAD WALRUS HAS SOME THOUGHTS.

Sad Walrus thinks all the good work from the Chelsea game has been undone with this result.

Sad Walrus is a huge Arsenal fan. He goes to every game, as matter of fact he's a season ticket holder. He's got family and kids to feed and in these tough economic times, for a simple plumber like Sad Walrus, it's especially hard. And yet he has no doubt in his mind that splashing out 1100£ on a season ticket is absolutely worth it. Although he would never admit it.

See, our Walrus here, has become a bit disillusioned with Arsenal's form in recent seasons. He claims he isn't bothered anymore with this team. He thinks Wenger's method is outdated and he's not going to rest until the manager is sacked. He tells everyone he's only been to two home games this season and his Fulham supporting step-brother is actually the one using his season ticket. I suspect he's lying.

I know he's doing it out of love, though. Deep down inside, he's hurting. And the reason he's saying he's given up on Arsenal is because he cares. He cares a lot more than most of the other fans. He's invested a lot of money in our great club but it's nothing compared to the amount of emotional distress it has caused him over the years. And Sad Walrus deserves to be re-payed. He deserves to see that shiny trophy (any trophy) glisten in the sun.

So, I understand him, completely. I understand him demanding Arsene's head on a plate after yesterday's draw with Wigan. I mean, maybe he didn't have to make EIGHT changes to the team that outplayed the Champions. Rotation during this period is necessary but maybe five or six would've been enough. And he's the one who thought waiting until 85' minute to make a sub, even though it was evident to anyone with eyes our game desperately needed it, is perfectly acceptable. Not to mention him playing Arshavin AND Eboue on the same flank. (Yet I did. HA!)

And I understand him wanting a clear-out in January transfer window. After all, despite the eight changes, we really should've won. Every single player who was on that pitch yesterday is an experienced international (besides Denilson). Arshavin and Bendtner is our unwanted second string now? Bullshit! Those were players MORE than capable of beating a team in the relegation zone. They were lazy and uninspired, they don't deserve anything more than a place on the bench. On a park bench, which they'll have to share with a hobo.

Also, I understand him wanting a world-class defence. No team will ever win the league with a defence prone to the kind of mistakes which cost them games.

I understand. I want those things too, well some of them, at least.

But I just can't bring myself to give up on Arsenal, I don't think I could do it even if I try. Hell, I still think we've a chance to win some trophies this season. Sad Walrus had branded my unreasonable optimism as "blind faith".  And I'm not entirely sure he is wrong.

I just don't think I could ever wish for us to fail just so I could say "I told you so".

Maybe, I don't care enough.

Or, maybe Lee Probert deserves to be hit repeatedly over the head with a shovel.

Discuss.

THE DAY DIDIER DROGBA COULDN'T SCORE AGAINST ARSENAL.

Johan Djourou had Drogba's balls firmly in his hand the entire match.

 Ahead of our match against Chelsea yesterday, every "pundit" and sports journalist was standing in line, ready to whip out the statistics and wave them in front of anyone who would dare to be optimistic about our prospects.

However, unlike some of our previous encounters, this one didn't have "the inevitable defeat" written all over it. Somehow, despite all the stats, predictions and analysis I had a good feeling about this one. I was hoping for a win but I thought a draw was the more likely outcome. Either way, there was one thing we all were convinced was going to happen for sure - Didier Drogba would score a goal.

13 GOALS IN 13 MATCHES - Drogba's record against us. I have to admit, at this point I can't stand the sight of the fucker but GODDAMN, that's impressive!

So imagine my complete and utter shock when after the final whistle I looked at the score sheet and his name wasn't on it. That was more surprising than the score itself. Some Chelsea fans say it's down to Malaria which Drogba still hasn't completely recovered from. I say it's down to a conversation, which must've recently taken place between Johan Djourou and a certain Philippe Sylvain Senderos.

I imagine it went something like this:

Johan: Show me, where did Didier touch you?

Big Phil: ......*starts crying uncontrollably*

Johan: I shall avenge your suffering, Philippe. Mark my words.

Anyway, I am not going to jump on the bandwagon, suggesting we've broken some kind of "HOODOO". It's not like Drogba will never score against us ever again, he will. For all we know yesterday's match could be just a one-off. But hey, it doesn't matter right now because we won. Not only that, we actually outplayed them.

Every single Arsenal player deserves the praise for that performance. Song had his best game of the season so far and I'm not even talking about his super-important opener. Fabregas played like...uh...Fabregas and hopefully his goal will make him forget about his hammy.

Then there's Walcott. I wasn't worried at all when I found out he was starting. I was just glad Wenger had the balls to drop Arshavin. I knew Theo would take his chance. Not only did he set up Fabregas for our second, making Ashley Cole look like the twat he really is in the process but he also scored our third, which was as Henry-esque as it gets. The exchange of passes with Cesc, the run, the finishing - everything about Walcott's goal was top-class.

We had a lap of concentration later in the game and conceded from a set-piece but fortunately it turned out to be nothing more than a consolation for Chelsea.

FULL-TIME: Arsenal 3 - 1 Chelsea.

Great game. Great win. Too bad we only have one day to enjoy it. *frowny face*

Also, Mark Clattenburg is a useless prick but the whole time I was watching the game I couldn't help thinking that for a Premier League referee he's actually pretty decent looking. But then again, I'm a disgusting pervert with an extensive collection of midget porn.

So...Uh...Hmm...

Hey, what's that?

*runs away in tears*

ARSENAL'S SERIOUS PRE-MATCH TEAM PHOTO AND PARTIZAN BELGRADE.

Serious Cats are not impressed with our performances in Europe this season.

Even though our last group stage game in the Champions League didn't provide us with a performance to be proud of, it DID provide us with this weird as all fuck, pre-match team photo.

Absolutely everyone in the back row look like they want to murder you. Except Chamakh - he looks like he's about to date rape you.

Now, the front row - Sagna looks lost, Denilson and Gibbs look like escapees from a Chilean prison and Nasri and Arshavin could pass for models from the kids' section of a new Sears catalog.

I can't decide whether this picture is awesomely creepy or creepily awesome. Discuss

As for the Partizan match itself, I don't think it warrants any type of discussion since it was as mediocre as it gets but I'll discuss it anyway. I'm mysterious like that.

Anyway, the first half was rather dull, we took the lead via a Van Persie penalty, about 15 minutes before the interval and...Sir?...Sir?...Sir...yes, you...move along please, nothing to see here.

As the second half was about to start I thought to myself - Ok, although we've been pretty dreadful, so far, I'm sure we'll win this one comfortably. It's not like Partizan are causing any trouble. Hopefully Shakhtar will lose their game and...whoops. Surprise butt seks! Parizan score. It's 1-1.

Fuck topping the group, we should have worried about this stuff when we were losing to Braga. I just want to qualify. Cannot let Spurs advance further than us. COME ON SHAKHTAR!

My plea was followed by a very nervy half an hour, where I honestly couldn't tell which way it's gonna go. None of the players on the pitch looked like they could inspire the breakthrough. Thankfully, it's not 1952 and teams are allowed to make substitutions. The ineffective Arshavin was replaced by Theo Walcott, who in turn, replaced my anxiety with jubilation by scoring the match winning goal. 

There was another one, with about ten minutes to go from Nasri involving his trademark footwork, described by some on Saturday as "poetry in motion" but Theo's goal was definitely the one that sealed the deal.

Also, Sagna got sent off with about 5 minutes to go. It was a straight red which means he will miss the first leg of the last 16. I didn't think it was a red card but most people seem to disagree. Hopefully, his absence won't have that much of an impact, although the thought of Eboue as a cover for Messi or Ronaldo isn't a very healthy one.

Seriously though, I was terrified of us not making it to the knock-out stages. Mostly, because it would've relegated us to Europa League. And I just couldn't bear the thought of watching Arsenal play on Thursdays.

THURSDAYS?  NO, THANK YOU.

That's the kind of perverted shit which I refuse to be a part of.

THAT SAMIR NASRI IS A BIT OF ALRIGHT.

High-five Bear is pleased with Nasri's progress.

"A touch of an angel" and "Poetry in motion" - those are just some of the expressions used by the commentators to describe Nasri's match winning performance against Fulham, yesterday. And unlike their attempts to pronounce Etuhu, which sounded like a cartoon character sneezing, they got it spot on.

I don't remember exactly just how many chances we had in the opening 15 minutes of the first half but I remember thinking we are going to regret not taking them. And that's when Arshavin's pass found Nasri as he was making his run towards the goal, he stepped inside two defenders who fell for his cunning trickery before smashing a shot which would've broken the net, had it been any more powerful.

What struck me most though, was the amount of space he was getting from the Fulham defense. Their left-back (Briggs, I think) didn't even attempt to chase the ball once he lost it, he just sort of stood there giving Nasri all the time in the world and watching his "poetry in motion" like footwork.

Arsenal continued to dominate, creating and missing (of course) a host of chances and it was inevitable that we were going to pay for it. To be honest, I don't even celebrate when we score the openers anymore because I KNOW we're going to concede sooner or later. And yesterday was no exception, when at the 30 minute mark, Fulham managed to equalize with their first attempt on target.

Once again, our defense was softer than your 75 year old grandpa, who can't afford Viagra. And Alex Song is partially to blame. For the failings of our defense, I mean. If I were you though, I'd blame him for your impotent grandpa as well. I don't know what it is that makes him think he should bombard forward at every opportunity like he's fuckin' Pele but I hope it's not Wenger's encouragement. That West Ham game changed him for the worst. Since he's tasted the glory of a goal scoring hero, he hasn't been the same.

Anyway, our football wasn't particularly creative in the second half and Fulham almost snatched another one when Kamara with only Fabianski to beat, shot straight at him.

The real talking point of the match however, came via Nasri's second. I was watching the game with my Dad (true story) and right after Nasri had scored, he said: "I remember seeing a goal just like that a long time ago, I don't remember who the scorer was, though. Was it Maradonna?"

To me, that pretty much sums it up. I'm not sure about Maradonna but it was definitely Messi-esque. It even made the "Top Ten Plays" on ESPN's Sportcenter. No point describing it, here it is:

Afterwards, Fabianski was forced to make a couple of saves but that goal, it just HAD to be the winner, hadn't it?

Also, it fired us right to the top of the league table, since Man Utd's game was postponed due to the fact the pitch in Blackpool is being temporarily used to host Hockey games. Ha-ha, get it?

What? Making fun of those who can't afford under-soil heating is a noble thing to do.


*gif of the goal is via

EBOUE IN TIGHTS AND LAME PITCH INVADERS.

I didn't get a chance to see our Carling Cup quarter final against Wigan yesterday, since it wasn't anywhere on TV and I would rather listen to a Ke$ha album than watch it on a stream that freezes every 10 seconds.

I do know that we won 2-0 with an own goal from Antolin Alcaraz and another from Nicklas Bendtner. I also know Eboue wore tights. They were white and ridiculous.

And while this about concludes my review of the actual match, there is something else I want to discuss. The issue which I've been meaning to bring up for awhile.

I am talking about, of course, THE PITCH INVADERS or to be precise, the complete and utter incompetence they've been displaying lately.

There were two of them last night and neither showed any commitment, whatsoever. There was no desire, no spark, no spirit. Not to mention the fact that they were FULLY CLOTHED. Disgraceful.

You wanna be pitch invadin', bro? Better do it right, yo:

You see this awesome, AWESOME pitch invader? That's fuckin' DED-I-CA-TION for you. From the love he's spreading to the timeless artwork. Flawless. FUCK JOSE? FUCK YEAH!

I pray to God this saint didn't get banned for life.