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| Excited Turtle is super excited about Theo Walcott's hat-trick. |
Up until about the 80' minute, throughout the whole match yesterday, the commentators annoyingly kept bringing up that "epic" game at St. James' Park in February 2011, which somehow ended 4-4, despite us leading by four clear goals at half time. The pinnacle of their reminders, was Demba Ba's equalizer at the 70' minute to make it 3-3, after we'd previously gone infront three times. So, after Theo Walcott clinched his second of the evening to make it 4-3, everyone gasped in anticipation. Will the history repeat itself? Will Cheik Tioté, a man who's name sounds like it derives its meaning from "The Shire", repeat his last minute heroics? Will Joey Barton appear out of nowhere, in a puff of lung cancer-infected smoke, get red-carded and quote us some good old Nietzsche? Err...no. Although, to be honest, Theo Walcott scoring the opening goal was a bit of a nervy coincidence.
Also, if anyone else, ever, calls that nightmare from two years ago "epic" one more time, I am going to feed them the gasoline soaked, early edition of the "The Hobbit" until they choke to death. That match was a worm infested, Phil Dowd orchestrated shitfest. He awarded Newcastle two penalties, one of which, was literally for nothing and sent off Diaby. Phil Dowd wanted to see his name on the back pages and did what was necessary. Fuck him with a donkey wiener and move on. I hate the fact that to this day, pundits/idiots keep referring to it as "one of the greatest comebacks in football". Fuck right off! But, I digress.
Olivier Giroud, replaced The Ox (who earlier on had scored our second and his first EVAH goal in the PL) at the 75' minute and had an immediate impact, scoring our fifth and sixth in the span of five minutes time, putting whatever little aspirations for another "epic" comeback Newcastle had left, beyond their reach. However, the icing on the cake was Theo Walcott's third. He was brought down in the box, their defenders stopped and with their hands in the air (like they just don't care) all turned to the ref to appeal their innocence, Walcott got straight back up and chipped the ball over Krul - hilarity insured.
What was even more hilarious is that Walcott scored his hat-trick playing centre forward - a position which according to him is the main source of the dispute in the ongoing contract talks, as he doesn't get to play in one, apparently. Ooh, I wonder what excuse his PR people will come up with, when there's an under-the-table agreement with Citeh, all done and dusted.
Afterwards, Arsene said:
"My desire is to extend his contract. He belongs here and hopefully we can do it. Should he have had a disastrous game today, it would not have altered my determination to extend his contract."Aww, that's sweet. He's off then. Seriously though, I do sometimes wonder whether the evil in players was there all along or the agents' Voldemort curses are simply unprecedented in their effectiveness. Here's a little titbit I found in the Gurdian, written by the former Crystal Palace owner Simon Jordan in 2006, and here's what he says about Theo's agent Warwick Horton (his agent to this day):
"In October I wrote about agents looking to move teenagers well before they're ready, against their best interests. I used Theo Walcott as an example after his agent, Warwick Horton, told the press: 'He's an ambitious lad... He'd be very flattered to speak to clubs like Arsenal and Liverpool.' Walcott's agency responded, condemning my 'nonsensical bluster'. 'Jordan alleged that one of our agents, Warwick Horton, was unsettling one of Key Sports Managements' clients, Theo Walcott of Southampton, for our own financial gain. I can assure him that nothing could be further from the truth.'A Southampton fan might have thrown the "as you sow, so shall you reap" at our faces, here. And I suppose it's fair to admit that we've been the beneficiaries of the football agents' greed on more than a few occasions. But the truth is, we've been undone by it way, way more times than we've actually *ahem* enjoyed it. It's not just part and parcel of modern football, it's one giant insult to all football fans, who, through no fault of their own, feed these fucking parasites. And unless it's too late, Theo needs to get his head out of his ass, as soon as possible.
Three months on, mid-transfer window, here's Warwick again. 'Theo's an ambitious lad and wants to train and play with the best players he can to try to take his career to the next level. It's been an unsettling time.' It must have been, Warwick. But I'm sure you'll get over it.
I said I'd apologise to Horton's agency if Walcott was still at Southampton by the time he was 18. Who owes an apology now?"
So, Happy New Year to
SEE YA NEXT YEAR!
*original pic is via
