ASTON VILLA 2 - 4 ARSENAL: ASTON VILLA IS A MILF WHO GOES TO THE GYM FIVE TIMES A WEEK.

After the Braga defeat on Tuesday I said that our footballing "style" at the moment is akin to having an Unresolved Sexual Tension. In a sense that we huff and puff, pass and pass. Create some great chances that we, oh so often, fail to take and have tons of possession which ultimately leads... NOWHERE.

Which is why, it was absolutely crucial for us to resolve that metaphorical tension against Villa. It would've been disastrous not to. We'd start losing our minds. We'd buy an anatomically correct doll on Ebay, call it Bianca and start telling everyone that it's our girlfriend. And so, I would compare yesterday's win to "resolving" it with a MILF, which despite her age goes to the Gym five times a week and you can definitely tell used to be hot. For some reason that's what I imagine Aston Villa would look like if it was a woman. *sigh*  I'm so lonely.

The start of the first half was all us. We came out all guns blazing (see what i did there) and it was, rather unexpectedly I should say, Arshavin who was pulling the strings. He was due, I guess. The law of averages and all that. So, it wasn't surprising when he opened the scoring. James Collins and Luke Young went for the same ball and missed it, leaving Arshavin plenty of space to make a run towards the goal and just as the Villa defense started closing down on him, he drilled a low cross shot into the bottom corner. 1-0 to the Arsenal.

For the second, Nasri was the scorer. Arshavin's cleverly taken corner found him on the edge of the penalty box whereas Nasri's deflected shot found the net. There was another great chance for Nasri minutes before his goal, when after a great run he found himself one on one with Friedel but could only hit the side net.

The first half ended and there we were, sitting pretty with a soft and warm two-goal cushion. It's alright, I thought. We're too smart to let the game against Tottenham become anything more than a one-off (this season). So, naturally, when Aston Villa scored, the first thing in my head was: "ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?"

Now, the goal itself should have been disallowed since Carew was offside and blocking Fabianski. However it doesn't excuse our piss-poor defending. Squillaci's clearance was bad but the indifference of our full backs' was even worse. When Clark got the ball, neither of them even attempted to close him down or at the very least, try and block his shot. They just stood there, observing the inevitable.

Then, Chamakh made it 3-1 and our players decided it was enough hard work for a day and taking a leisurely stroll about the pitch would be preferable. And so they did. And so Clark's header hit the crossbar. And so it went in. Aston Villa 2. Arsenal 3.

Oh well, I thought. At least they're not Spurs (they don't deserve to be in bold).

I waited for the equalizer which I was convinced was coming and even after Jack Wilshere headed in our fourth, the scent of another Villa goal was...uh, in the air?

I did however, enjoy seeing an Arsenal fan invading the pitch with his pants falling down and jumping on top the Wilshere-Gibbs-Rosicky man pile (top pic).

Terrible defensive display, once again, but I guess, a win is a win.

We were top of the league for almost TWO hours. Yes, we were.

The End.

BRAGA 2 - 0 ARSENAL: NOTHING TO BRAGA 'BOUT (HA-HA, GET IT? :)

Aslan believes the display in Braga was disappointing.

Get it? DO YOU GET IT? Nothing to "Braga 'bout"? You know, 'cause Braga sounds like brag ! Huh? What? You don't think that's funny? Does that mean no one will ever love me? Ahh :(

Well, that was shit, wasn't it? Our performance against Braga, I mean, not my headline. My headline is still awesome, unlike you. Anyway, as I was saying we were shit. Not only we didn't look even remotely interested in winning but we didn't even put enough effort into it to secure the draw that would've put us through to the knock out stages.

I thought Arsenal were better than Braga in the first half and had a couple of decent chances but didn't take them because why would they? It's only "Braga", we spanked them the last time. GRRRR!

It is incredibly frustrating because it's starting to become kind of a "thing" for this team. Where they stroll through games they wrongly assume are going to be easy. Either from the kick-off or after going two nil up. Even when they do create something, all the great chances go to waste because no one cares enough to take them or at least that's what it seems like. It's almost as if they lose self awareness as soon as they find themselves in front and it's fucking irritating, since as I said, it's slowly becoming "our thing".

Remember, like during the unbeaten season, not losing was "our thing"? Well, it's just like that, except right now "wasting chance after chance, thinking we'll win anyway due to the unreasonable overconfidence but end up losing because that's what happens to people who believe they're own hype" is our thing.

Like in a sitcom, where the two main characters have this strong sexual tension that ultimately leads nowhere. That is EXACTLY how we play at the moment. We're Ross and Rachel, Mulder and Scully, Bruce Willis and Whatsherface from Moonlighting. And we NEED to resolve that metaphorical sexual tension, as soon as possible!

Anyway, the second half was dreadful (to be honest the entire match was dreadful, but at least for the first 45 minutes we managed to look somewhat bothered).  First Cesc had to come off with another hamstring injury and now looks to be out for three weeks. Then, with about 20 minutes left Eboue was stretchered off and we had to play the rest of the match with ten men. *insert an #EboueFacts joke here*,  if you feel like it.

Shortly after Braga went on to score twice in the last 10 minutes and the way they scored the second one was especially annoying. Matheus was surrounded by THREE of our players. All that was needed for him to lose the ball was a slight tackle and somehow no one could do it. NO ONE. This honestly still boggles my mind. Why the fuck didn't they tackle him? It couldn't be because they were afraid to concede a penalty or a free kick, could it? It was the LAST minute of INJURY time for fuck's sake!

I should mention, we were denied a stonewall penalty when Carlos Vela was brought down in the box by whoeverthefuck but that shouldn't change the fact that we couldn't beat a team that lost to us by SIX clear goals, less than two month ago.

Also, Wenger has branded Uefa's five-official system "useless", he said: 

"it is absolutely useless"

The loss against Braga means we now have to win our final match against Partizan. They're bottom of the group without a single point. Terrific, especially when you consider how well this Arsenal team plays when they assume they're in for an easy ride.

Oh Joy.