RUSSIAN SPORT EXPRESS INTERVIEWS ANDREI ARSHAVIN, I TRANSLATE. POORLY.

Arshavin has refuted the claims that he simply doesn't give a sh!t anymore.

This is my translation of Andrei Arshavin's interview from the Russian Sport Express. Hope it makes sense.

THE SITUATION

How do you see the current situation?

Everything's going the way it's going. Since the Chelsea match our team's been looking very confident and winning points feels easier than at the start of the season.

But, unfortunately, practically without you.

What can I do - that's the way it has turned out.

And how do you feel about that?

Naturally, I want to play in every match. But at the moment, those who play in my position - Samir and Theo (Nasri and Walcott), - look very good. They are in perfect shape and that's why they're out on the pitch.

And you, it turns out, are far from being in perfect shape? Otherwise, I think no competition would've forced you to sit on the bench.
 
Hopefully, your statement is correct but to verify it I really need to get in a better shape.

What do you need for that to happen?

Work hard in training - football doesn't have any other recipes.

PHYSICAL

I think, that to treat any disease, we must first figure out the correct diagnosis. Let's start with the "physical" aspect. How do you feel?

It varies. There are matches when I feel good, there are matches when I feel worse. But in general, I feel alright.

Nevertheless, it can be seen with the naked eye, that you are inferior to yourself from 2008. What do you think?

I think, at the moment I'm lacking sharpness.

What are the reasons?

I don't know. There are no objective reasons. Maybe, I'm getting older (smiles)

At 29? Tell me, the amount of training work you do, remains the same?

Naturally. But you can't get back to your best, only through training - you have to play games. I'm out on the pitch fairly regularly, actually. Our schedule, at this time, allows everyone to get matches.

But you play, mostly, in cup matches. Where, calling a spade a spade, plays a second string squad.

You're right, although I'm taking it in stride - it's a phase that I need to get trough. I've nothing to reproach myself with. There isn't anything I do that could've knocked me off the track and interfered with my football. I follow strictly, all the coaches' instructions. At the start of the season I stopped drinking, not only alcohol, but even Coca-Cola. By the way, maybe that's the problem? (laughs)

But you probably know your body better than any coach and through the years have come up with tricks how to get yourself in the best shape.

That's why I need more rest - no training, just games. (laughs) But if we're being serious then the work you do in training, naturally, can't be bad for you. And generally, for me personally, training work doesn't vary anymore - (Vlastimil) Petrjela, (Dick) Advocaat, (Arsene) Wenger - it's all similar.

Then what are the sources of variation in physical fitness?

A phase of life, country, food, the way you feel on the inside, etc.

Maybe, Russians simply cannot be in good shape during the winter because their bodies are used to rest in this time of year?

Convenient excuse, but no one really knows whether it's actually true.

And when was the first time you felt that you were lacking sharpness?

Since the start of the season it would only be there occasionally.

Maybe, the unusually long summer vacation is to blame?

Not excluded. Recently, I read what our Biathlon coach had so say: Two month without full training is devastating for any professional athlete. And no exercises, workouts or jogging you do on your own, will save the situation.

Were you feeling fine during the pre-season, after two months of vacation?

Absolutely. It was even easier than usual.

Today, besides the usual training work, is there anything else you do to improve the situation?

Coaches give me personal tasks, which are meant to improve my starting speed.

Do you feel you're benefiting from those?

Initially it felt really good, but now it seems I've gotten used to it.

Do you believe that the key to your current situation is physical fitness?

It doesn't work like that: something's excellent, something's awful. Naturally, after two or three not very successful matches, especially if they're Cup matches, confidence in your own abilities is starting to drop.

PSYCHOLOGY 

How does it show?

When you're completely fine, you don't even think, what you should do in a given situation: you operate in an automatic regime. Now, however you get the ball and you start thinking: Should I go it alone? What if I lose the ball? And if I'll pass it, they'll think I just want to get rid of it, that I'm afraid to take over the game? When these type of thoughts are starting to occur, the decision you make is almost always wrong. As a result, you miss a lot of great chances. For example, in the replay match with Leeds, I was in a good position but fired a shot that ended up on the roof of the stadium: for the first time in history of the arena. Couldn't have done it on purpose. Rugby players would have been envious.

Maybe, you're affected by the fact that in the Zenith and the National Team squad you've always been the undisputed leader who was allowed to do absolutely anything but at Arsenal you don't have that status?

Hard to say, but I definitely don't feel any discomfort of such kind.

Is your team's psychological field important to you? (ed: not 100% sure it's correct but there's no other way to translate it)

It is important for any athlete who plays in a team. But here you definitely won't find anything worrying - I don't have problems with my team-mates.

What has Wenger been telling you in recent weeks?

Nothing special. He's been supporting me publicly more.

Do you think, him leaving you on the bench has an element of trying to teach you a lesson?

Certainly not. Arsene just picks those who are currently in better form. Besides, regarding training he doesn't have any complaints and he has said so himself.

Doesn't the idea, that your team-mates are now stronger than you are, knocks you even further off the track?

No, of course not. My problems are not my team-mates, the problems are IN me. They need to be resolved - and everything will fall into place. Hopefully, it'll happen sooner rather than later.

When was the first time you realized some of the thinking you do on the pitch is unnecessary?

In recent matches.

And how do you get rid of it?

Unfortunately, there's no switch in your body that could turn off all the unwanted thoughts. You have to train, to play - confidence and automatic decision making will come back only after several successful matches.

How quickly do you forget failures?

It varies. It all depends on the extent of the failure.

I have a feeling that the trail from Maribor* has stretched up to here... (*city in Slovenia where Russia failed to qualify for the WC 2010 )

It definitely does not affect my current game.

What does affect it - local failures?

Actually, nothing critical is happening. At the moment, the rhythm of the game, when the club plays four matches in ten days - is the best medicine to forget about all the setbacks.

How does your self-esteem change after a major success or a deafening failure?

Not the self-esteem but once again, the level of confidence.

And what if your team will start winning title after title, would you be ready to stay and take on a secondary role?

If it is going to be the condition of our success - of course. But no true athlete would wish to simply be a passenger.

When you were on your way to England, you had plans for the near future. Are they starting to materialize?

I wanted to see how everything works here, to play in the best league in the world, in one of the best teams of that league, with team-mates, some of whom are among the best in the world. All of this is happening.

What about your own place in this idyllic English picture. Are you satisfied?

Not totally. Something seems to be working out but it obviously could be better.

Even now, during your slump, you dream of global achievements?

Yes. I know: If you play football really well, they will come.

You just need to understand what you have to do for that to happen.

If it could have been calculated mathematically, there would've been a lot of great football players. As it is - there are one or two.

Has the complete lifestyle change affected your game?

At home, of course, I feel much more comfortable but also, I'm fully used to London, by now. Here, everything's more measured, calmer, quieter. Although, naturally some domestic problems were solved a lot easier in St. Petersburg. Getting used to London was really hard but right now I don't have any problems.

Maybe, a more measured way of life is responsible for the lack of drive on the pitch?

Who can determine exactly?

MENTALITY

Maybe, you've become a bit calmer and more sensible - thanks to the new lifestyle and everything you've been through.

Have my habits and my nature changed, it can only be assessed by the people close to me and only after I'll come back to Russia.

In football, do you think you've reached the top?

I think, there's still something left in the "stockpile". I hope, I can raise the bar.

Meanwhile, some say your career is on the decline.

What can I say? Everyone has the right to believe what they want. I'm not going to argue with anyone: my job is to play football. I still have time.

What about the desire and the energy?

Desire is definitely there. Energy, as well. Sometimes.

There's another point of view: tough and dynamic English League isn't suited for your style of play.

Football that Arsenal plays suits me completely. Of course, pace of the game in England is higher than anywhere else in the world but this is why it's the best league in the world. Playing here - the most powerful motivator.

Can you already call the English League your own?

I've been here for two years - during these months, it really has been mine.

Do you feel like you've proven everything you wanted to?

I wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone. Only to myself.

How high, the bar on the inside is raised?

I've never even attempted to determine it. Generally, I never think about the global aspects of my career. I'll take what I'm given.

But it happens, sometimes, that people blow their chances.

Maybe, but let me reiterate: my main critic is myself, however at this stage I couldn't blame myself for doing something wrong even if I wanted to.

Is there someone who's giving you advice about life in football?

I don't think there's anyone who can tell me more than I already know

Just imagine how happy you're making your enemies, right now.

Let them be happy. (laughs) That's the way life is - someone's rooting for you, someone's gloating.

LIFE GOES ON

January 1 Arsenal had an away game at Birmingham. Did you celebrate the New Year on the bus, on the way there?

No, we had the time to check into our hotel before midnight.

UK time?

Moscow time.

And, was it festive?

You're kidding?

Did you at least make a wish?

Yes. The way it should be done - with the sound of the clock chimes, I drank a little champagne, I threw the ashes of the paper on which I'd written my wish, into the glass.

Was the wish football related?

I would say - universal, football-o-human.

Pavlyuchenko told me the exact same thing.

Me and Yulia once taught this to Roma and Larisa.

Do the rumors which are sending you to either Juventus or Chelsea have some truth in them?

Of course, not. My thoughts right now, are all about the Arsenal.

This season at Arsenal, everyone's asking questions about the title.

It's too soon to talk about the title. But right now we're in a good position and have been playing very confidently in the recent matches. I'm particularly pleased that we're conceding a lot less.

But Manchester United still refuses to lose.

I have thought about this: wouldn't it be cool if they didn't lose a single match but still not ended up as Champions. They have enough draws.

Do you share the views of those who think that Man Utd this season is inferior to Man Utd from a couple of seasons ago?

Probably, not - they're about the same. It's clear that a lot depends on Rooney, and this season he's been scoring a lot less than previously. But this is actually their advantage - if they managed to grab so many points without their star-striker, what will happen once he's back to his best? It's the story of Michael Jordan and Chicago Bulls. Everybody knew he never scores less than 25-30 points a game. And when at the start of the game he wasn't at his best and the team was losing, everyone was calm - they were just waiting for him to get going.

Has Chelsea fallen apart?

No, of course not. They had a lot of problems - injuries to key players. But now, everything seems to be back to normal. I'm sure pretty soon they'll start playing in their usual tempo. Manchester City and Tottenham also shouldn't be dismissed. We're not lacking competition.

In relation to Manchester United, do you feel you're chasing them or do you feel you're on equal terms?

The fight at the top of the table is escalating, every point is as valuable as gold. There's great pressure on everyone and those who are better equipped to deal with it - those will finish first.

In the Champions League, the draw has once again, slipped you Barcelona. What are your thoughts?

I hope, this season our matches against Barca will turn out differently than in the past, otherwise we're gonna have to ask ourselves what have we been doing all this time? Of course, at this stage we would've preferred an "easier" opponent but we've only got ourselves to blame - we should've topped our group. But we lost at Braga, a game which we absolutely had to win.

How do you feel about the extremely short stop you're going to have to make in the Emirates for the National Team match?

It's a further proof that club football is pushing the international game more and more to the sidelines.

Why is that?

Money. Why else?

Does this mean that in Abu-Dhabi no one will be trying too hard?

If someone didn't want to play for the national team, they simply would have refused to come. If we're going, it means we want to play and we will play. The amount of inconveniences it will create is another matter.

All of our national teams' leaders who play in England have problems with the amount of playing time they're getting. So, as it turns out even the best Russian players aren't good enough for the local level?

No. Yuri Zhirkov is injured and the rest are in difficult situations. If there were twenty of us and we were all sitting on the bench, these type of conclusion would be appropriate but right now, there's obviously not enough "material". Especially, since all of us, one way of another make it to the pitch. A month ago I was still playing regularly - was the level of football in Russia different then? It's the kind of mentality we have in our country, once someone gets benched - everyone immediately starts drawing global conclusions. In England it's a fairly standard situation. Take [Tomas] Rosicky, for example - the leader of the Czech national team but for the past two seasons he hasn't been playing regularly. Does it mean that the Czech football is weak now? Or Gyan - Africa's player of the year, until Sunderland's Darren Bent was sold, he didn't have much playing time. But no-one was throwing any tantrums about that.

Nevertheless, we all want to constantly see you in the Arsenal squad.

I want it more than anyone else. Naturally, the current situation does not suit me. What can I do - keep living and trying to improve.

Outside of football, do you manage to keep your spirits up?

The moods are changing, life doesn't consist of just football. But football - the most important part, that's why I always want to play.

source

WIGAN 2 - 2 ARSENAL: SAD WALRUS HAS SOME THOUGHTS.

Sad Walrus thinks all the good work from the Chelsea game has been undone with this result.

Sad Walrus is a huge Arsenal fan. He goes to every game, as matter of fact he's a season ticket holder. He's got family and kids to feed and in these tough economic times, for a simple plumber like Sad Walrus, it's especially hard. And yet he has no doubt in his mind that splashing out 1100£ on a season ticket is absolutely worth it. Although he would never admit it.

See, our Walrus here, has become a bit disillusioned with Arsenal's form in recent seasons. He claims he isn't bothered anymore with this team. He thinks Wenger's method is outdated and he's not going to rest until the manager is sacked. He tells everyone he's only been to two home games this season and his Fulham supporting step-brother is actually the one using his season ticket. I suspect he's lying.

I know he's doing it out of love, though. Deep down inside, he's hurting. And the reason he's saying he's given up on Arsenal is because he cares. He cares a lot more than most of the other fans. He's invested a lot of money in our great club but it's nothing compared to the amount of emotional distress it has caused him over the years. And Sad Walrus deserves to be re-payed. He deserves to see that shiny trophy (any trophy) glisten in the sun.

So, I understand him, completely. I understand him demanding Arsene's head on a plate after yesterday's draw with Wigan. I mean, maybe he didn't have to make EIGHT changes to the team that outplayed the Champions. Rotation during this period is necessary but maybe five or six would've been enough. And he's the one who thought waiting until 85' minute to make a sub, even though it was evident to anyone with eyes our game desperately needed it, is perfectly acceptable. Not to mention him playing Arshavin AND Eboue on the same flank. (Yet I did. HA!)

And I understand him wanting a clear-out in January transfer window. After all, despite the eight changes, we really should've won. Every single player who was on that pitch yesterday is an experienced international (besides Denilson). Arshavin and Bendtner is our unwanted second string now? Bullshit! Those were players MORE than capable of beating a team in the relegation zone. They were lazy and uninspired, they don't deserve anything more than a place on the bench. On a park bench, which they'll have to share with a hobo.

Also, I understand him wanting a world-class defence. No team will ever win the league with a defence prone to the kind of mistakes which cost them games.

I understand. I want those things too, well some of them, at least.

But I just can't bring myself to give up on Arsenal, I don't think I could do it even if I try. Hell, I still think we've a chance to win some trophies this season. Sad Walrus had branded my unreasonable optimism as "blind faith".  And I'm not entirely sure he is wrong.

I just don't think I could ever wish for us to fail just so I could say "I told you so".

Maybe, I don't care enough.

Or, maybe Lee Probert deserves to be hit repeatedly over the head with a shovel.

Discuss.

ARSENAL'S SERIOUS PRE-MATCH TEAM PHOTO AND PARTIZAN BELGRADE.

Serious Cats are not impressed with our performances in Europe this season.

Even though our last group stage game in the Champions League didn't provide us with a performance to be proud of, it DID provide us with this weird as all fuck, pre-match team photo.

Absolutely everyone in the back row look like they want to murder you. Except Chamakh - he looks like he's about to date rape you.

Now, the front row - Sagna looks lost, Denilson and Gibbs look like escapees from a Chilean prison and Nasri and Arshavin could pass for models from the kids' section of a new Sears catalog.

I can't decide whether this picture is awesomely creepy or creepily awesome. Discuss

As for the Partizan match itself, I don't think it warrants any type of discussion since it was as mediocre as it gets but I'll discuss it anyway. I'm mysterious like that.

Anyway, the first half was rather dull, we took the lead via a Van Persie penalty, about 15 minutes before the interval and...Sir?...Sir?...Sir...yes, you...move along please, nothing to see here.

As the second half was about to start I thought to myself - Ok, although we've been pretty dreadful, so far, I'm sure we'll win this one comfortably. It's not like Partizan are causing any trouble. Hopefully Shakhtar will lose their game and...whoops. Surprise butt seks! Parizan score. It's 1-1.

Fuck topping the group, we should have worried about this stuff when we were losing to Braga. I just want to qualify. Cannot let Spurs advance further than us. COME ON SHAKHTAR!

My plea was followed by a very nervy half an hour, where I honestly couldn't tell which way it's gonna go. None of the players on the pitch looked like they could inspire the breakthrough. Thankfully, it's not 1952 and teams are allowed to make substitutions. The ineffective Arshavin was replaced by Theo Walcott, who in turn, replaced my anxiety with jubilation by scoring the match winning goal. 

There was another one, with about ten minutes to go from Nasri involving his trademark footwork, described by some on Saturday as "poetry in motion" but Theo's goal was definitely the one that sealed the deal.

Also, Sagna got sent off with about 5 minutes to go. It was a straight red which means he will miss the first leg of the last 16. I didn't think it was a red card but most people seem to disagree. Hopefully, his absence won't have that much of an impact, although the thought of Eboue as a cover for Messi or Ronaldo isn't a very healthy one.

Seriously though, I was terrified of us not making it to the knock-out stages. Mostly, because it would've relegated us to Europa League. And I just couldn't bear the thought of watching Arsenal play on Thursdays.

THURSDAYS?  NO, THANK YOU.

That's the kind of perverted shit which I refuse to be a part of.

EBOUE IN TIGHTS AND LAME PITCH INVADERS.

I didn't get a chance to see our Carling Cup quarter final against Wigan yesterday, since it wasn't anywhere on TV and I would rather listen to a Ke$ha album than watch it on a stream that freezes every 10 seconds.

I do know that we won 2-0 with an own goal from Antolin Alcaraz and another from Nicklas Bendtner. I also know Eboue wore tights. They were white and ridiculous.

And while this about concludes my review of the actual match, there is something else I want to discuss. The issue which I've been meaning to bring up for awhile.

I am talking about, of course, THE PITCH INVADERS or to be precise, the complete and utter incompetence they've been displaying lately.

There were two of them last night and neither showed any commitment, whatsoever. There was no desire, no spark, no spirit. Not to mention the fact that they were FULLY CLOTHED. Disgraceful.

You wanna be pitch invadin', bro? Better do it right, yo:

You see this awesome, AWESOME pitch invader? That's fuckin' DED-I-CA-TION for you. From the love he's spreading to the timeless artwork. Flawless. FUCK JOSE? FUCK YEAH!

I pray to God this saint didn't get banned for life.

ASTON VILLA 2 - 4 ARSENAL: ASTON VILLA IS A MILF WHO GOES TO THE GYM FIVE TIMES A WEEK.

After the Braga defeat on Tuesday I said that our footballing "style" at the moment is akin to having an Unresolved Sexual Tension. In a sense that we huff and puff, pass and pass. Create some great chances that we, oh so often, fail to take and have tons of possession which ultimately leads... NOWHERE.

Which is why, it was absolutely crucial for us to resolve that metaphorical tension against Villa. It would've been disastrous not to. We'd start losing our minds. We'd buy an anatomically correct doll on Ebay, call it Bianca and start telling everyone that it's our girlfriend. And so, I would compare yesterday's win to "resolving" it with a MILF, which despite her age goes to the Gym five times a week and you can definitely tell used to be hot. For some reason that's what I imagine Aston Villa would look like if it was a woman. *sigh*  I'm so lonely.

The start of the first half was all us. We came out all guns blazing (see what i did there) and it was, rather unexpectedly I should say, Arshavin who was pulling the strings. He was due, I guess. The law of averages and all that. So, it wasn't surprising when he opened the scoring. James Collins and Luke Young went for the same ball and missed it, leaving Arshavin plenty of space to make a run towards the goal and just as the Villa defense started closing down on him, he drilled a low cross shot into the bottom corner. 1-0 to the Arsenal.

For the second, Nasri was the scorer. Arshavin's cleverly taken corner found him on the edge of the penalty box whereas Nasri's deflected shot found the net. There was another great chance for Nasri minutes before his goal, when after a great run he found himself one on one with Friedel but could only hit the side net.

The first half ended and there we were, sitting pretty with a soft and warm two-goal cushion. It's alright, I thought. We're too smart to let the game against Tottenham become anything more than a one-off (this season). So, naturally, when Aston Villa scored, the first thing in my head was: "ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?"

Now, the goal itself should have been disallowed since Carew was offside and blocking Fabianski. However it doesn't excuse our piss-poor defending. Squillaci's clearance was bad but the indifference of our full backs' was even worse. When Clark got the ball, neither of them even attempted to close him down or at the very least, try and block his shot. They just stood there, observing the inevitable.

Then, Chamakh made it 3-1 and our players decided it was enough hard work for a day and taking a leisurely stroll about the pitch would be preferable. And so they did. And so Clark's header hit the crossbar. And so it went in. Aston Villa 2. Arsenal 3.

Oh well, I thought. At least they're not Spurs (they don't deserve to be in bold).

I waited for the equalizer which I was convinced was coming and even after Jack Wilshere headed in our fourth, the scent of another Villa goal was...uh, in the air?

I did however, enjoy seeing an Arsenal fan invading the pitch with his pants falling down and jumping on top the Wilshere-Gibbs-Rosicky man pile (top pic).

Terrible defensive display, once again, but I guess, a win is a win.

We were top of the league for almost TWO hours. Yes, we were.

The End.

BRAGA 2 - 0 ARSENAL: NOTHING TO BRAGA 'BOUT (HA-HA, GET IT? :)

Aslan believes the display in Braga was disappointing.

Get it? DO YOU GET IT? Nothing to "Braga 'bout"? You know, 'cause Braga sounds like brag ! Huh? What? You don't think that's funny? Does that mean no one will ever love me? Ahh :(

Well, that was shit, wasn't it? Our performance against Braga, I mean, not my headline. My headline is still awesome, unlike you. Anyway, as I was saying we were shit. Not only we didn't look even remotely interested in winning but we didn't even put enough effort into it to secure the draw that would've put us through to the knock out stages.

I thought Arsenal were better than Braga in the first half and had a couple of decent chances but didn't take them because why would they? It's only "Braga", we spanked them the last time. GRRRR!

It is incredibly frustrating because it's starting to become kind of a "thing" for this team. Where they stroll through games they wrongly assume are going to be easy. Either from the kick-off or after going two nil up. Even when they do create something, all the great chances go to waste because no one cares enough to take them or at least that's what it seems like. It's almost as if they lose self awareness as soon as they find themselves in front and it's fucking irritating, since as I said, it's slowly becoming "our thing".

Remember, like during the unbeaten season, not losing was "our thing"? Well, it's just like that, except right now "wasting chance after chance, thinking we'll win anyway due to the unreasonable overconfidence but end up losing because that's what happens to people who believe they're own hype" is our thing.

Like in a sitcom, where the two main characters have this strong sexual tension that ultimately leads nowhere. That is EXACTLY how we play at the moment. We're Ross and Rachel, Mulder and Scully, Bruce Willis and Whatsherface from Moonlighting. And we NEED to resolve that metaphorical sexual tension, as soon as possible!

Anyway, the second half was dreadful (to be honest the entire match was dreadful, but at least for the first 45 minutes we managed to look somewhat bothered).  First Cesc had to come off with another hamstring injury and now looks to be out for three weeks. Then, with about 20 minutes left Eboue was stretchered off and we had to play the rest of the match with ten men. *insert an #EboueFacts joke here*,  if you feel like it.

Shortly after Braga went on to score twice in the last 10 minutes and the way they scored the second one was especially annoying. Matheus was surrounded by THREE of our players. All that was needed for him to lose the ball was a slight tackle and somehow no one could do it. NO ONE. This honestly still boggles my mind. Why the fuck didn't they tackle him? It couldn't be because they were afraid to concede a penalty or a free kick, could it? It was the LAST minute of INJURY time for fuck's sake!

I should mention, we were denied a stonewall penalty when Carlos Vela was brought down in the box by whoeverthefuck but that shouldn't change the fact that we couldn't beat a team that lost to us by SIX clear goals, less than two month ago.

Also, Wenger has branded Uefa's five-official system "useless", he said: 

"it is absolutely useless"

The loss against Braga means we now have to win our final match against Partizan. They're bottom of the group without a single point. Terrific, especially when you consider how well this Arsenal team plays when they assume they're in for an easy ride.

Oh Joy.