ARSENAL'S SERIOUS PRE-MATCH TEAM PHOTO AND PARTIZAN BELGRADE.

Serious Cats are not impressed with our performances in Europe this season.

Even though our last group stage game in the Champions League didn't provide us with a performance to be proud of, it DID provide us with this weird as all fuck, pre-match team photo.

Absolutely everyone in the back row look like they want to murder you. Except Chamakh - he looks like he's about to date rape you.

Now, the front row - Sagna looks lost, Denilson and Gibbs look like escapees from a Chilean prison and Nasri and Arshavin could pass for models from the kids' section of a new Sears catalog.

I can't decide whether this picture is awesomely creepy or creepily awesome. Discuss

As for the Partizan match itself, I don't think it warrants any type of discussion since it was as mediocre as it gets but I'll discuss it anyway. I'm mysterious like that.

Anyway, the first half was rather dull, we took the lead via a Van Persie penalty, about 15 minutes before the interval and...Sir?...Sir?...Sir...yes, you...move along please, nothing to see here.

As the second half was about to start I thought to myself - Ok, although we've been pretty dreadful, so far, I'm sure we'll win this one comfortably. It's not like Partizan are causing any trouble. Hopefully Shakhtar will lose their game and...whoops. Surprise butt seks! Parizan score. It's 1-1.

Fuck topping the group, we should have worried about this stuff when we were losing to Braga. I just want to qualify. Cannot let Spurs advance further than us. COME ON SHAKHTAR!

My plea was followed by a very nervy half an hour, where I honestly couldn't tell which way it's gonna go. None of the players on the pitch looked like they could inspire the breakthrough. Thankfully, it's not 1952 and teams are allowed to make substitutions. The ineffective Arshavin was replaced by Theo Walcott, who in turn, replaced my anxiety with jubilation by scoring the match winning goal. 

There was another one, with about ten minutes to go from Nasri involving his trademark footwork, described by some on Saturday as "poetry in motion" but Theo's goal was definitely the one that sealed the deal.

Also, Sagna got sent off with about 5 minutes to go. It was a straight red which means he will miss the first leg of the last 16. I didn't think it was a red card but most people seem to disagree. Hopefully, his absence won't have that much of an impact, although the thought of Eboue as a cover for Messi or Ronaldo isn't a very healthy one.

Seriously though, I was terrified of us not making it to the knock-out stages. Mostly, because it would've relegated us to Europa League. And I just couldn't bear the thought of watching Arsenal play on Thursdays.

THURSDAYS?  NO, THANK YOU.

That's the kind of perverted shit which I refuse to be a part of.

THAT SAMIR NASRI IS A BIT OF ALRIGHT.

High-five Bear is pleased with Nasri's progress.

"A touch of an angel" and "Poetry in motion" - those are just some of the expressions used by the commentators to describe Nasri's match winning performance against Fulham, yesterday. And unlike their attempts to pronounce Etuhu, which sounded like a cartoon character sneezing, they got it spot on.

I don't remember exactly just how many chances we had in the opening 15 minutes of the first half but I remember thinking we are going to regret not taking them. And that's when Arshavin's pass found Nasri as he was making his run towards the goal, he stepped inside two defenders who fell for his cunning trickery before smashing a shot which would've broken the net, had it been any more powerful.

What struck me most though, was the amount of space he was getting from the Fulham defense. Their left-back (Briggs, I think) didn't even attempt to chase the ball once he lost it, he just sort of stood there giving Nasri all the time in the world and watching his "poetry in motion" like footwork.

Arsenal continued to dominate, creating and missing (of course) a host of chances and it was inevitable that we were going to pay for it. To be honest, I don't even celebrate when we score the openers anymore because I KNOW we're going to concede sooner or later. And yesterday was no exception, when at the 30 minute mark, Fulham managed to equalize with their first attempt on target.

Once again, our defense was softer than your 75 year old grandpa, who can't afford Viagra. And Alex Song is partially to blame. For the failings of our defense, I mean. If I were you though, I'd blame him for your impotent grandpa as well. I don't know what it is that makes him think he should bombard forward at every opportunity like he's fuckin' Pele but I hope it's not Wenger's encouragement. That West Ham game changed him for the worst. Since he's tasted the glory of a goal scoring hero, he hasn't been the same.

Anyway, our football wasn't particularly creative in the second half and Fulham almost snatched another one when Kamara with only Fabianski to beat, shot straight at him.

The real talking point of the match however, came via Nasri's second. I was watching the game with my Dad (true story) and right after Nasri had scored, he said: "I remember seeing a goal just like that a long time ago, I don't remember who the scorer was, though. Was it Maradonna?"

To me, that pretty much sums it up. I'm not sure about Maradonna but it was definitely Messi-esque. It even made the "Top Ten Plays" on ESPN's Sportcenter. No point describing it, here it is:

Afterwards, Fabianski was forced to make a couple of saves but that goal, it just HAD to be the winner, hadn't it?

Also, it fired us right to the top of the league table, since Man Utd's game was postponed due to the fact the pitch in Blackpool is being temporarily used to host Hockey games. Ha-ha, get it?

What? Making fun of those who can't afford under-soil heating is a noble thing to do.


*gif of the goal is via